I Bet It’s Squeaky Clean Now.

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“My partner cleaned the bathroom today and I just realized that I washed my hair with a degreaser.”

What the hell, it’s a multi purpose cleaner anyway.

I never did get that whole gotta have fifteen different products in the shower thing anyway.

I can’t see without my glasses so whatever is in the fucking shower and doesn’t smell too damn girly is fair game for me.

Ususally there is a jug of Body Wash in there and that does the whole job. If it’s empty then I have no idea what I am washing up with but if it makes suds, I’m good to go.

I usually keep degreasers and hand cleaner crap out in the garage just to be on the safe side but I’m sure it would work real good for washing your hair with. Since I don’t hardly have any hair anyway, I could care less what I use as long as it doesn’t smell too damn girly.

21 thoughts on “I Bet It’s Squeaky Clean Now.”

  1. I don’t get it either. A bottle of dish soap can be used in the shower, on your
    dishes, and does a great job when doing the laundry. It’s just that men are
    far less complicated than women. I forgot one. Dish soap can be used in
    place of shaving cream. What the fuck is a conditioner or body wash? After
    shave or cologne to me is called Old Spice. That’s all a real man needs!

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    • GMTA, Mr. Jones. Back in my poor days I used dishwashing soap for a shampoo, got my hair clean and dry (oily scalp!). Some say it’s bad for ya, but that’s…hogwash.

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  3. On the topic of Lava in the shower, I once made a batch of my “Wipe your ass with a Snow Cone” chili. As iIwas cutting up the Habaneros, the call of nature struck in the number one vein. A quick hand rinse and off to the bathroom. About five minutes later, from the far reaches of my neathers came like a thundering herd of roadside flares a burning akin to dropping a pot of fresh road tar on ones privates. Galloping off to the bathroom, shedding clothes the whole way had me in the shower scrubbing the dip sick and bearings with the shampoo of the day. A relief but oh so fleeting, second trip and a repeat performance but no, third trip and I grabbed the spare cake of Lava (oh how sweetly named) and finally purged the fires below. Let’s just say I was walking like I was rode hard and put away wet for a few days. Lesson learned, the Pretty Wife cuts up the chilis now as that escapade almost sent her to hospital as she pulled a boob muscle laughing so hard.

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    • I am a chili-head. I never grabbed my junk after I chopped chili
      peppers, but I have had a few things go south on me. A Mexican
      coworker handed me a tiny fucking pepper that nearly took my
      head off! Like a dumb-ass, I wiped the tears and sweat and
      tears off my eyes. Just a few years ago I used too much Trinidad
      Scorpion Moruga sauce on a burrito. This is the second hottest
      pepper on the planet. Imagine shitting flaming Napalm! It took
      three days for my stomach to settle down.

      The all-time winner was my biker buddy Jim. Till the day he died,
      he swore this really happened. When he told me the story we
      were pounding beers at the Dutch Mill Bar in North Long Beach
      CA. He was munching crackers and Jalapeno peppers in bed.
      He got a little amorous and gave his wife a little stink-finger.
      I replied as only I could do: “And she divorced you? What
      a silly bitch!” The barmaid had to clean up the beer that
      spewed out of his nose!

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      • The BURNING

        Outside the back gate at Kirtland AFB in ABQ is a tiny Thai place run by an ex-expat who lived in Thailand long enough to get a good idea how to cook Thai-style, then returned and started a great restaurant. I was there with some coworkers on a business trip and I ordered Pad Thai and, given a 1-10 scale asked for 10. Usually 10 is still weak by my standards, so I wasn’t too worried. When he asked if I was sure, and if I wanted New Mexico Hot or Thai Hot, I started to get worried. I hedged with New Mexico hot. My coworkers asked if I would be OK. I told them it would be fine; I had an iron stomach. What I got was tasty. Wonderful flavor. Perfect blend of sweet and sour, onions and garlic and lemon grass and galangal, etc. Then The BURN hit. It stopped as long as I kept eating, but as soon as I stopped, The BURN would start. It just ramped up in this steady, gradual thundering heat like sitting in a car with the windows up and the AC off on August 1st in ABQ. This hot, blasting, roasting heat all over the mouth. I drank my Thai tea, the free refill, my water, my friends water, ate all the crushed ice in the 4 cups. The BURN kept coming back. They said my face turned red. I actually went blind for a few minutes, too-No joke! But the worst was The BURN returned later that night when my coworkers took me to some Brazilian Steakhouse downtown. I spent the entire night running to the bathroom to shit fire before returning, only to get up and run again. One of my coworkers was sitting there laughing at me and asked me, “So… you have a cast iron stomach, huh? Do you have a cast iron O-ring, too?” Never forgot THAT incident.

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  4. I still have hair so I splurge on cheap shampoo and a bar of Ivory soap. I am kind of a pussy so I will pass on the lava. The wife on the other hand has seven bottles of something three bars of dove soap in various stages of decay and two of something that concerns me in several ways. I just don’t get it.

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  6. I too am blind without glasses and used my x-wifes “shampoo”. Shit turned out to be henna (she was from India) and turned my hair orange! Had to get a fucking crew cut that day..

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